just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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