first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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