I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
