how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
