you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
