I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
