I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
