Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
