the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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