the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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