Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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