you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
where does the pee come out of this thing
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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