Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
