she smelled like a LAN party
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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