I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
