It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
