Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
