i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
