Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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