Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
