So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
