"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
