I think i peed on brittanys purse
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
