forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
