people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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