I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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