If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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