so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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