Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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