Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
