this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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