Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
