First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
