I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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