dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
