apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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