Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
