why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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