great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
