You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
is that a dick in a sweater?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
