either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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