is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
