wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
