Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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