Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
