your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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