you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
