We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
