ADVERTISEMENT

• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  but fathers day is next sunday

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet

  Fav 14 1180 4605

  share tweet
  

• (415): View more from California

  I'll probably hate you when I'm sober

  Fav 28 3965 1153

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (816): View more from Missouri

  I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up

  Fav 25 981 5773

  share tweet
  

• (256): View more from Alabama

  so my dad walked in on us having sex

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  lulz really? why?

  (256): View more from Alabama

  lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time

  Fav 75 1921 11612

  share tweet
  

• (970): View more from Colorado

  You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day

  Fav 6 2136 877

  share tweet
  

• (303): View more from Colorado

  YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.

  Fav 2 1258 642

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  where will you be at 9:30 tonight?

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  piledriving you in your roommate's bed?

  Fav 2 1307 468

  share tweet
  

• (573): View more from Missouri

  The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.

  Fav 6 1145 388

  share tweet
  

• (319): View more from Iowa

  I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds

  Fav 5 293 685

  share tweet
  

• (402): View more from Nebraska

  My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol

  Fav 0 47 19

  share tweet
  

• (734): View more from Michigan

  Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.

  Fav 0 9 43

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (469): View more from Texas

  Where is everybody?

  (214): View more from Texas

  It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.

  Fav 0 55 7

  share tweet
  

• (703): View more from Virginia

  Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves

  Fav 0 30 6

  share tweet
  

• (561): View more from Florida

  Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high

  Fav 0 12 24

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (360): View more from Washington

  This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row

  Fav 0 22 50

  share tweet
  

Randomize