im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
